I am so tired of being trapped in this cult. My job is gathering information from the past and changing it to what Big Brother wants it to say. I have never even seen Big Brother, and wonder if he even exists. It is getting harder and harder to keep my thoughts to myself, and every day I am more frightened of my encounters with the thought police and others who I assume are trained spies. That dark haired girl, is a spy, I know it, so I need to be careful how I act around her.
I need to go now, I hear a knock on my door and need to find a safe hiding place for this.
Chapter 3:
Oh, how I dream of being with my mother, just to see her face once more. Lately, I have been dreaming about her. I dreamt she was on a sinking ship. I am also getting more weary of the dark haired girl, she seems to look at me and if she is a secret spy, I will probably die very soon. But if that dark haired girl isn't a spy, then I wonder what she is. She confuses me, and I am dying to know who she is. She was in one of my dreams, running toward me naked, a sign of rebellion against the party. Well, for now I must go, I will figure this out later, I can not risk getting caught.
Chapter 4:
Why do I have to live in this corrupt, brain washing world? I would do anything to get out of this place. I hate my job. I hate my job so much. I need to get a group of people together, and maybe if we all rebelled together we could defeat Big Brother, or whoever this controller is.
I am so tired of changing all history records to how Big Brother wants them. I, for one, would like to know the real history of this world, not however it is written, and not with names that I have to make up off the top of my head to replace others who Big Brother no longer likes. IT IS STILL HISTORY AND IT CAN"T BE CHANGED! If I said that, I would be killed. And if someone finds this, I will be killed.
Chapter 5:
Today I had lunch with this man I met named Syme. Syme is crazy. He wants the dictionary words to lessen and lessen so no future party members will ever even think about rebelling because it will not even be in there vocabulary. I see where he is going and it is so wrong, it would also put the thought police out of work at least. Speaking of thought police, I am starting to get very scared of that dark haired girl. Maybe, If I ever get enough courage, I can go talk to her and see if she really is a spy or not. Wish me luck, I might chicken out.
Chapter 6:
I feel like rebelling. I must find a way to have sex. I know it is banned, and it's how I lost my wife too. We could not have sex, even for a child. Last time I did it was with a prole, she was by no means attractive but I had to rebel, I just had too.
Chapter 7:
I have been thinking, long and hard. And I realize that the only way this party will ever be put down is with help from the proles. I believe with them, we may stand a chance. Yes, it'd be extremely risky, but the proles do make up 85% of the population, so I don't think it would be a long shot. They would just need training. Oh, never mind, what was I thinking, the proles are far less bright to ever preform such a large task. Forget it. I will be reading lies and false information for the rest of my life, and maybe when I die, someone will read this and it will enlighten them. But O'Brian, I posses a bit of faith in him. I can sense a small bit of rebellion, good for O'Brian for being like me.
Chapter 8:
Today I took a walk to the prole district. Oh, how I wish I could be like them; no telescreen's no thought police, no complexity. I did try to converse with an old man. I asked him if he ever remembers life, before the party was in control. There was no answer from him, but then I thought to myself, he is just a prole anyway, he doesn't remember anything. After that, I stepped into an antique shop and met a man named Mr. Charrington, the shop owner. I bought a coral paper weight, it is awfully pretty. On my walk back, I saw her, again, that dark haired girl. She was following me. She is part of the thought police, I just know it.
Chapter 1 Book 2:
I can not believe it. Today as I was walking, the girl with the dark hair came up to me with a sling around her shoulder and passed me a note. At first I did not open it, as I was far to scared and thought for sure that she was a thought police girl. Oh was I wrong. When I finally got the courage to open the note, It read the words, "I love you." I haven't had much of a chance to talk to her since because I don't want to get caught. We did get to hold hands for a small amount of time. I actually may have something to live for. We are going to meet in the country. I do not know what to expect. I will write about it tomorrow.
Chapter 2 Book 2:
Her name is Julia. She laughed when I told her I thought she was a spy. The day went just like my dream. Perfect. I feel a sense of purpose now. Julia is far from being in the junior anti-sex league. She says she's done this hundreds of times with other men. How brave. It makes me feel better than other party members are committing these "crimes." Now I know I am not the only one who feels a sense of rebellion.
Chapter 3 Book 2:
Things have been going quite smoothly with Julia and me. After our first time together in the woods, we have only gotten closer. We have been secretly meeting several times. I love waking up every morning having something to look forward to. I feel safe talking to her about anything on my mind. I even told her about Katherine. But unlike Julia, I want to rebel against the party because they are brainwashing and corrupt. Julia just finds a thrill out of breaking rules.
Chapter 4 Book 2:
The room above Mr. Charrington's shop is the perfect place for Julia and me. Here, we can live a private life free of the party and thought police. We are free to say what we want, and I am not afraid to tell Julia what I feel. I want us to be just like an old married couple, and have each others backs. After waiting for Julia, she finally came in with bread and coffee. What more could I ask for. Right now, my life is going somewhere.
Chapter 5 Book 2:
This week is hate week. I have been hearing children sing new "hate songs." I try to tune that out and forget about it. But the only thing that stays on my mind is Julia and I's room above Mr. Charrington's shop. I do wish Julia would realize how bad the party is, and not just want to break rules for the thrill of it. Anyhow, Julia is who I am in love with and I have been wishing that my wife Katherine would die so I can marry Julia. I will keep wishing.
Chapter 6 Book 2:
Today O'Brian was telling me how the party is making a newspeak dictionary. I am frightened of getting caught, but I did get O'Brian's address. I am afraid that I will be caught and killed very soon. At least it is better than just worrying at home.
Chapter 7 Book 2:
Lately I have been having dreams of my mother. Something in my dream makes me think that I murdered her. I have been trying to remember my childhood and my past. The dream brought back memories of hiding in a basement from air raids. And there was something about chocolate. I remember steeling chocolate from my mother and sister. They were hungry, but I ate mostly all of it. I don't know why.
Chapter 8 Book 2:
Today, Julia and I took a risky trip to visit O'Brian. I do not regret going though. Amazingly, O'Brian turned off his telescreen, so our conversation could be private. When he did that, I explained to him how Julia and I would like to join the brotherhood. I am so happy that the brotherhood is a real thing, and I even went through a ritual to be joined into the brotherhood. He said we will meet again one day. We said goodbye, and he turned the telescreen back on.
Chapter 9 Book 2:
This week has been extremely long. I have had no break. Oceania just decided to switch enemies in the war, don't ask me why. But that doesn't matter, because right now I am with Julia, and her beautiful body is lying asleep next to me.
Chapter 10 Book 2:
I can not believe it. We have been caught. I don't remember everything since I just got my consciousness back, but it is over. All of it, we will be killed, and tortured, I know it. I gave my trust to people in this city, and should have known to trust no one. Mr. Charrington is a member of the thought police, and I trusted him.
Chapter 1 Book 3:
They threw me in a jail cell. Now I know what the place of no darkness. It is always light in my jail cell. I saw O'Brian through the cell, and I couldn't believe that he got caught too. I then realized he was a member of the thought police. I have been betrayed by so many trusting people, first, Mr. Charrington, and now, even O'Brian, who put me in the brotherhood. In this cell, the physical pain hurts less than the mental abuse they are giving to me.
Chapter 2 Book 3:
O'Brian has been putting me through torture sessions every day now and had been forcing me to believe everything he has been saying. I don't know why, but I have actually come to agree with him on things such as him telling me two plus two equals 5. I have just accepted it, instead of more torture I would be put through. Maybe O'Brian is right, and maybe he isn't the source of pain. I am a bit confused right now but it will all come to me soon. But I am trusting O'Brian. After all, O'Brian knows what is going on, but he would no tell me what is in room 101, he says everyone knows, so I guess I know.
Chapter 3 Book 3:
The Party's only goal is power. There was also no life before the party.That is what O'Brian told me. O'Brian has been torturing me to believe even more things that he has been saying. I am weak, I feel weak, and my hair is turning white. I am taking in more and more of what O'Brian has been saying. He says I will be cured soon. I know in the back of me that this is not right, but I have to go along with this and know soon that I will fall completely into the trap.
Chapter 4 Book 3:
Since I am obeying O'Brian, and believing what Big Brother has to say, they put me in an upgraded room. I even get three meals a day, and they gave me a slate to write on. On it, I wrote that two plus two equals five, and freedom is slavery. Life in here is not really that bad. In fact, I really do not remember why I even tried to oppose the party in the first place, I mean, what did they ever do to me? Oh, what am I kidding, I HATE THE PARTY. I am just going along with them, but I can't take it any more. All I can think about is Julia. I don't know why I did this, but as O'Brian was walking by, I told him that I hate Big Brother. He had the guards take me to room 101.
Chapter 5 Book 3:
The guards led me down to room 101. The room that O'Brian claims everyone knows what's in it. I didn't know what to expect. When the door opened, there was a chair, that I was quickly strapped to. And then the thing that I hated almost as much as the party was right in front of my face. A cage of rats. O' Brian was going to open the cage of rats and and release them on my face. He said they would eat my face. And then, I said something I never thought I would ever say, and I don't know how I said it. I told O'Brian to empty the cage of rats on Julia's face. He then strapped me and put me back in my cell.
Chapter 6 Book 3:
After that, I started to lapse into a deep dream. I was at the Chestnut Tree Cafe playing chess, drinking Victory Gin. I was playing against myself, and the white chess pieces ALWAYS win. I also realized that 2+2 really does equal five. Oh, it feel so nice to have the truth. After that, I was strolling in the park, and happened to walk past Julia. We stopped for a second, but then proceeded walking. She had a scar across her forehead. I as I continued walking, I looked up at the telescreen, and felt secure and protected. It said that we won the war! I then woke up, and felt a bullet go through my head. But I am by no means mad, after all, I love Big Brother, and if he wants me to die, so be it.
